Adolescant Discovers Amazing Gift at Age 14

Even the great Superman could never compare to what this astounding eighth grader can perform with just the slightest twitch of his eye.

"We were running low on yukburger surprise, then he came around the corner and 'Poof', we were in full supply again."

All that littl Oscar Neophragm did was look at a fun silver tray of phun and surprise.

Neurologists that have studied this amazing child are calling his feat "Meat Vision" compared to Superman's "Heat Vision".

Practitioners of neurology and anthropology have never in their lives seen anything like it. Just one glance at something and it's a leg of lamb or a bloody rump roast. But in a series of unexplainable events, there have been reports of actual people becoming victimized by this bizarre phenominon.

Unfortunately, this power has fallen into the wrong hands. Late saturday morning, Oscar was kidnapped by terrorists. The secratary of defence states that they commited this evil crime in order to use his power to convert everyone into meat until the U.S. govornment gave into their demands of world power and domination of the Hawiian islands. Speculations also claim that they want free candy along with major doses of diuretics for the elders and children of their fallen countries that have so well adapted to self destruction and public decapitations of foreign people.

The boy with the amazing gift is promised to be given back to his worry stricken mother who waits anxiously in her closet eating a full supply of snikers bars and ice cream sandwiches while she poders her lost sons condition.

There have been only a few clues as to where the boy could be. One of them is an odd phone number that goes as follows: 867-5309. There was also an empty bag of "Jussi Pussi" bread and a used condom with the words "Saddam was gay with me" written in pemanent marker.