We Will Forever Mourn Our Loss

We apologize for the inconvenience of not bringing unto you, our loyal reader, the top of the line news reports that keep you up to date on vital information. However, our higest ranking reporter, James E. Garfield, tragically lost his life when uncovering the secrets of the White House.

As he was making his way to the vault, guided by the one named Sgt. Gumbee Tootles, he was jumpped and murdered by millions of secrurity men. His camera piece picked up only enough to indicate that the president wanted to declair war on Wisconson, the Pacific Ocean, and Disney Land. Notwithstanding, James used his super Aiado skills to fend off many thousands of the pretentious guards, but they were able mame him in the name of this so called "justice".

What we here do not understand is that he was welcomed into the whitehouse to investigate the true reason behind the War on Terrorism. It states in our first amendment that the press is free to do its job, as long as it does not disturb the peace or obstruct any of the U.S. laws.

But it is not the secretism nor is it the true unorthodox nature of our nation that this article is about, but it is to mourn the loss of one that we kept close to our hearts. May the lord take him nigh and rest his spirit in the peaceful sanctity of the heavenly gates.