Baby's Slain in Greusome Homicides

The elderly were though to be good trustworthy citizens that loved the presence of the youthful. Just goes to show how much we know.

Two slaughtered babies were found in the Providence section of Rhode Island. One of them, a victim of a single blow to the lower spine and the other, victimized by the execution of an intentional car attack.

78 year old Geena Baker was the murderer of Spencer Recneps. Spencer was killed instantly when she punted him for reasons unknown. Though this clip is not for the weary of heart, we show you
exclusive footage of the babies death when a video casset was found under Geenas' mattress.

The second horrible murder was performed by the locally notorious Jim Jimaroo. While the innocent tot was doing his business in the street, Jim came from nowhere and plowed him into oblivion. Again, we will show
footage caught by a well place security camera, but it is not for the weak of heart.

"I don't know whats going on with our elders." Says concerned mother, Terry Shribergoop. "It's like they're posessed by the devil."

Both of the killers were found guilty when the videos were shown in the courtroom as evidence.

"I'm glad they're both gone, but who else will do that? How will we know if others don't find this fair and decide to revolt? what will happen then?"

Nobody knows...

Case of the Murderous Gorilla Solved!

Bobblesalami, as many of us know by now, was the gentle gorilla of the Frankenwiener Zoo that mysteriously went on a murderous rampage killing many civilians. Several days ago, the history of the murder victims was recovered, revealing some disturbing information.

All seven victims were criminals in themselves. Each person was tried and convicted of child molestation and rape, each of them set free within a matter of days.

"It seems that Bobble didn't like that fact that children were hurt and mentally scarred by people that could easily overpower them." Says Backel McScratcher

Manyy people think that justice was served and all was right again. But the parents of the victims were not so pleased.

"That crazy monkey killed my little boy!" Yelled an angry Ralph Allmatouchhole. "If it wern't for that monster, my kid would have still been walking and talking with his family and friends." Jerry Allmatouchhole was the 35 year old son of Ralph.

But fate was equal for both sides. Wasn't it?

"They lost thir children and we lost a super cool dude." Says Jellybean Kilkowillie, "thoes people should have no right to say that they lost something because what they raised were not children, but monsters that terrorized the town, raping helpless children."

Some people did not choose sides becuase they know what it's like to lose one that they were close to, but they also felt the loss of a greatly respected friend.

Even though the case was solved and many heaved their sighes of relief, there is only one question that lingers through the minds of many: If worse came to worse, who would you side with?

Flying Baby Meets an Untimely Fate

Sparks flew and fire lit up the midnight sky when the explosion of a NASA rocket shook an entire state. The baby, stepping up to the expectations of rescuing the crew of four from the out-of-control rocket, carried the rocket away from its unmarked target.

The crew was safely grounded, but the heroic toddler never made it back.

"The rocket was still being carried off," says scientist Rupert Trepur. "But when it was near the o-zone, it blew up in the baby's hands."

The poor tot was only trying to be a good sumariton. But fate had other plans for him.

Though scraps of the rocket were later recovered, the body of the baby never was. Services were held at dawn near the crash site. Hundreds of thousands of spectators gave their respects to their hero and savior as the mysterios baby was given the traditional unbodied burial of a soldier.

Who will ever be able to protect our citizens from danger now? Who will be the one that gives us comfort when times seem dire and the world is helpless? We will never know.

Found: New Reporter For The Daily Poop!

We all shouted a grand "hoorah" when the shoes of our newest member of the Daily Poop team stepped into the main office of the printing room.

To take the place of our fallen comrad, James E. Garfield, Locke Cole has made the oath to never let our readers down and to provide only the most extraordinary news stories in the entire world.

Locke Cole has had a history of treasure hunting and extreme espionage which he used to take down the imperial army/empire. Kefka, the dark leader of the empire, fell to his knees before Locke, after a fierce battle had waged. With the evil intentions of this vile emperor, Locke had no proglem in making a swift end to him, armed, the entire time, with only a Knife. He was later starred in the video game "Final Fantasy 6" as himself.

With the skills of out new reporter, our stories will be better, longer and more intense than any story that we have ever had. As of May 11, we will be further uncovering the secrets of the Banks Farm and the Flying Baby. Other stories will also be uncovered by our exclusive team of reporters.

We cannot let the rest of our team sit in the dark whil Locke gobbles up the glory, so here is the rest of out hard working team

Locke Cole: Treasure hunter and master thief.
Kayla Wolf: Expert in the fields of parapsychology and breaker the first clues of the Banks Farm
Gregory Ozwoth Hughes: Food specialist and expert in eating food.
Fox A. Blade: Although the oddest member of our team being as his name states, he is our animal specialist and telecommunicator.
Thundarr Gunnukilleue: Master interrigator, has never failed in bringing out the truth in even the most stubborn of people.
And finally, your writer, me, Mr. Snails. Old man on lotsa caffene.

I hope that it will not be an inconvenience that we have you on the edge of yout seat for another two days while our reportes come back from their missions of gaining important knowledge.

Be here when we give the story of the Banks exorcism whick Lock and Kyla have been assigned to. Until then, goodnight friend reader.